Anthems Of A Seventeen Year Old Girl
by silverpixiedust
Summary: Bella has everything a 17 year old girl could only dream of. Until an accident tears it all apart. She finds comfort in the last person she expects, Edward, who hates her, yet feels unmistakably drawn to her.
1. Chapter 1: Pretty People

**A/N:** I've been getting ideas for quite a few stories now. I'll be starting another new one... probably soon. I'm just afraid I won't have any time to update. Argh. I'll just see how it goes. This one is slightly... different. But the Cullens are still vampires. Oh, and it'll be like this. Bella's POV and Edward's POV will alternate in every chapter. Which means it'll be Edward POV in Ch 2 and etc.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Twilight characters, nor do I own the songs which I use in this fic. Thinking of You is originally by Katy Perry.

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"Thank you New York! Hope you have a great night!" I yelled into the microphone, smiling as the crowd lapped it up, erupting immediately into cheers and wolf whistles. The same lines were used in practically every country I toured in. Combine that, with some humor, some words in a foreign language, and a winning smile- and you get a direct success.

I walked slowly backstage, waving at the audience until I was finally concealed before slinging off my guitar and collapsing into a chair. I guzzled down a bottle of water, aiding the dehydration I was close to feeling. Touring was exhausting. Interviews, photo shoots and endless talk shows in the day, followed by a concert and after party at night. By the time I got sleep it was usually almost 2 in the morning or later.

Tonight would be indifferent. I was driven back to my hotel room so I could take a quick shower and then I changed into the outfit of my choice for whatever club we would be hitting as my after party. They had insisted I get a stylist, but I had refused over and over, until they finally gave up.

I changed into a strapless black dress that only just covered my butt and threw on a pair of hot pink pantyhose with killer boots. I brushed on some dark eyeliner and brushed a shade of bright red lipstick on. Then I grabbed my leather jacket, and I was set to go. New York was freezing at this time of the month, and as much as I had toured, I still never got used to the cold.

The instant my boyfriend and I stepped out of the limo and onto the grounds that would lead to the club, a horde of paparazzi surrounded us, camera flashes blinding my eyes. Questions were thrown, each more ridiculous then the next. I let a coy smirk play up on my face, leaving my mouth glued shut, as he escorted me quickly towards the door, where a long line was already started. Getting an all access into clubs was definitely one of the better perks of being a celebrity.

Music thumped, as the million of bodies writhed on the dance floor to Britney's new song. We made our way up to the VIP room, his hand still curled on my back protectively. The VIP room was the only place where any of us could get any privacy. Unfortunately, up here, everyone was decked out in Gucci or Prada or whatever the hell people wore. And no surprise, I was the exception. We sat at the table where my manager was already sitting with a few familiar looking faces.

"Isabella! So nice to see you again." A brunette girl said up to me, kissing both my cheeks, her smile oozing fakeness. But that's just how it was here.

"Jessica. How _is _your acting getting on?" I asked, matching her fake smile with my own. I despised this girl. She was plastered on tabloids everywhere, for various scandals of course. She had been discovered when she was acting in some small indie horror movie, where she played a girl getting killed, and then she had gotten this huge part in some other movie. After that she had totally sold herself out, fake boobs and all.

"Oh, it's great. I got a part in this new movie and it's awesome…!" She hammered on, her voice beginning to sound like a buzz in my head.

"That's awesome. Hey, I'm going to get a drink and hang out for awhile. See you soon okay?" I interjected, cutting her off, and she nodded, dumfounded.

"Do you want me to come along?" Bryan asked me. I couldn't help but smile at him. He had been there for me ever since my career had risen. He too, was in the entertainment scene, but he was a photographer. Whom I had known since fifth grade, and now he was my best friend turned boyfriend. We had been dating for a month, but had only gone public a few days ago. I liked him- a lot, but I didn't love him like I should. And he was okay with that. When I told him I didn't believe in love, all he said was 'As long as I'm your favorite man.'

"It's alright. You have your fun." I said, and he rose up to give me a hug.

I threw open the doors to the little balcony just outside the VIP room. In truth, I hated the club scene. My manager Lisa only made me come because it would get me 'exposed' to more people in the business, I suppose. Being a singer wasn't even something I had intended on doing, but I had been discovered in a local talent show a year ago, back when I was living with my mother, Renee. Then I had gotten sent to LA, cut an album… and now here I was on tour.

I sighed, slipping out of the back entrance, which not many people knew existed. I needed a cigarette. I pulled out my packet of Marlboro Lights and lit one, taking a long drag. The silence was calming. The music they played in clubs gave me a headache.

"You really shouldn't smoke, you know," A musical voice said from behind me. I turned around in surprise, unaware that I wasn't the only one on the balcony. There stood a boy who looked my age, except a million times more gorgeous and way taller. Was he a movie star or something? And how come I hadn't seen him before?

Ironically, there was a cigarette poised in _his_ hands, and he drew it gracefully to his lips, which were still quirked up in a crooked half smile.

"I don't take advice from strangers. Especially the ones who don't listen to their own advice." I scoffed, pointedly eyeing the cigarette in his hands.

"What good would that do?" He grinned this time, making my heart do multiple flips in my chest. It wasn't the fact that I had never seen anyone who looked this… dazzling, including _all _the male models I had met (though most of them were gay), it was the fact that I was this close to a guy that hadn't tried anything smarmy or creepy on me.

I shrugged, forcing my feet to turn my back on him, back towards the not-quite there scenery instead of the statue like person in front of me.

"What's your name?" He asked, and as much as I didn't want to, I turned to stare at him in disbelief. He was at my after party and he didn't know what my name was? How the hell had he gotten up here then? I decided to humor him to see if he would figure it out.

"You said move on where do I go? I guess, second best, is all I will know." I crushed my cigarette under my feet, and sang the lyrics to my hit song, Thinking Of You before shooting him a coy smirk to see if he had gotten it.

Apparently he did, because shock filled his beautiful features. Then it was slowly turned into amusement as he blew out a stream of smoke from his perfect lips.

"_You're_ Bella Swan?" he drawled, an arch curving up on one of his eyebrows.

"That's what I've been addressed as for the last seventeen years. And you?" I chided, matching the expression he wore on his face. Yeah, I wasn't legal yet. No, people didn't really care if you drank as long as you were some big rockstar. Yes, I did get drunk a number of times- most people found it hilarious. No, I didn't care.

"Edward Cullen. My sister Alice dragged me to this thing. She adores your songs." He groaned, rolling his eyes. I couldn't help but feel insulted at his reaction to my songs.

"What's wrong with my songs?" I questioned defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.

He shook his head, his golden eyes gleaming, almost as if he was sharing a private joke with himself.

"It's not your _songs_, per se. It's Alice. Don't worry… you'll get it when you meet her." He simply stated.

"_When_ I meet her? And what even makes you think I will even meet her?" I replied, my gaze challenging. He replied me with a coy smile, and pointed at a short, pixie-like girl who was literally dancing our direction. She glided to a stop directly in front of Edward, and shot me a huge smile.

"Alice, Bella. Bella, Alice. Now you'll see why she's so… annoying." Edward muttered, as a way of introduction. Alice shot him a glare before turning back to me.

"It is _so_ great to meet you. I love your songs! But… what's with all your outfits? I mean, really. Doesn't your stylist have any taste? No offense." She wrinkled her perfect nose and grimaced. The expression made me laugh. For a girl who barely came up to my shoulders, she was sure blunt.

"None taken. I'm my own stylist." I told her, and she quickly clapped a hand over her mouth.

"It's alright." I assured her when a look of despair appeared on her face. She immediately brightened, and I laughed again.

"Can I have a picture with you?" she asked, brandishing a camera out of nowhere. I nodded, and she quickly stood next to me and handed Edward the camera. We both posed, and the flash went off.

"Thanks!" she hugged me exuberantly, before disappearing back into the club. I glanced at Edward, who wore a sullen expression on his face.

"She seemed nice!" I quipped, my voice cheerful.

"Not when you live with it every day. So, do you want to go back in?" He offered, and I nodded. He opened the door for me, a perfect gentleman, and led me inside. Bryan immediately appeared next to me, worry clear on his face. He looked at Edward with a puzzled expression, before kissing me on my cheek.

"Bryan, this is Edward. His sister brought him here. Edward, this is my boyfriend, Bryan." I introduced them, and they muttered their hellos and shook hands. Edward politely excused himself, suddenly looking uncomfortable, and I stood on my tiptoes to kiss Bryan on the lips. _That_ brightened him up considerably.

I grabbed a cosmo from a waitress who was handing drinks nearby and downed it whole before grabbing Bryan's hand and pulling him over to the dancefloor. 'Let It Rock' was balring, and I grinded my hips and swayed my hands in the air, anticipating the mass of sweaty bodies that surrounded me. All my thoughts just flew out of my mind, leaving just me and the music.

Two hours later, I emerged, my dress dripping in sweat and my head feeling all fuzzy and warm. God knows how many drinks I had downed, but thank God Bryan was still sober, as always. I was singing 'Twinkle twinkle little star' at the top of my lungs and Bryan was carrying me in his arms since I could barely walk anymore.

The second we stepped into the outside world, flashes of lights began blinding us again and questions were being shot from all directions.

"Bella, how serious are you and Bryan?"

"Bella, when is your new record being released?"

"Bryan, is it true that Adrianna Burton asked you out on a date when you photographed her a few days ago?"

I giggled at the first question, and kissed Bryan directly on his lips. The paparazzi exploded, their cameras flashing even more frequently than before. Bryan blushed and put me gently into the car, following in suit.


	2. Chapter 2: The Enigma That Is Bella

**A/N:** Thanks to my first 5 reviewers for reviewing this story! I had trouble writing this chapter, and initially had a different idea for it, but after deleting it over and over the photography and stylist idea hit me. Hope you guys enjoy it and please, _**remember to review**_!

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"Edward! You got a last minute booking for today. I wouldn't decline it if I were you, because guess who it was from?" Alice squealed in a way that made my insides lurch. I attempted to access her mind, only to my horror she was repeating 'I like kittens…" in Spanish. She was definitely keeping something from me, as usual. I had a strong suspicion that it was yet another girl. After all, Alice had been trying to find me my other half for the longest time, always forcing me to go to the blind dates she set up. Hadn't she learnt that I was happy this way? When I found someone, I would find her. I didn't need Alice setting me up on blind dates that just increased my burden instead lessening it.

The only question was who was the girl? She was probably some celebrity if I had gotten booked by her manager, because my clientele was usually very exclusive, and Alice knew that. Hell, Alice was more exclusive than I was, only accepting appointments from the top of the line. Just what I needed. Some snobby, up herself celebrity who Alice thought would be perfect for me.

"Just tell me, Alice." I sighed in defeat, and she grinned excitedly.

"You do know I'll be able to read everybody else's mind right? I'll find out eventually." I continued, now glaring at her. She really agitated me sometimes. No, that was a lie. Change that to _most_ of the time. It didn't help when Jasper was around, growling or hissing at me everytime I insulted her or even glared at her. She nodded, practically bouncing on the spot, keys to her canary yellow Porsche in hand. Jasper had gotten it for her as a birthday present after he had seen her practically drooling over it one day.

It was ostentatious, as usual. I hated riding in it. It drew the attention of people from beggars to businessmen in suits.

"Just come on." She pleaded, and I sighed again. Alice was the one who had gotten me into photography a year ago, and the second I had that camera in hand, I immediately knew what to do. It had only been a hobby back then, and then unintentionally, someone had asked whether it was sold in a gallery. So I started to display in several galleries before I landed the real deal. A photographer that took pictures for magazines and ads- it didn't matter what kind. My work ranged from things from perfume advertisements to Nylon and even Vogue. However, I was allowed to accept and decline jobs as I pleased, since I did photography because it was my passion, and not because I needed the money.

I usually just accepted the job when Alice got hired as the stylist and begged me to come with her.

_Like a dynamic duo_, I thought sarcastically.

"Fine," I finally agreed, mostly because I knew she would continue bugging me, which endlessly managed to get on my nerves _every single time_. I followed her into her car and purposely slammed the door of the passenger seat. She scowled at me, and I grinned innocently back. Her cars, yes, plural, were like children to her, which was why I had slammed the door in the first place.

Alice screeched to a halt in front of a tall, white, building, which I presumed was the studio. She skipped towards the elevator energetically, ignoring the stares of everyone around us. Here came the part where I tried to block their thoughts out of my mind. Especially the vile, disgusting thoughts that some of the men got. Those were always the worst. I mean, I knew Alice could take them all down at once if she needed to, and not even break a sweat, but it was still disturbing because she was my _sister_.

The doors slid open to reveal a large white waiting room, with a leather couch and two smaller leather chairs. There was also a receptionist's desk, and several doors leading into other rooms. We walked up to the receptionist's desk, when one of the doors opened. A man around my height with blonde hair and blue eyes appeared.

"Hello. You must be Alice." He greeted her with a smile, and offered his hand, which she buoyantly shook.

"And you must be our photographer, Edward. I've heard so much about your work and I can't tell you how glad I am that you were able to make it today. You can set up your stuff in the room on the left." He motioned towards one of the doors, and I nodded.

"Are you the manager?" Alice piped up beside me.

The man slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Silly me. Yes, I am. I'm Mike Newton, Bella's manager." He stated, smiling mildly at the both of us. The name hit me like a slap on my face, and I glared at Alice, who just shrugged, her smile still intact. That certainly explained why she had refused to give anything away. I _definitely_ wouldn't have come. Not even if she threatened to crash my car, or even worse, my beloved piano. I would have still said a straight out no.

Why? Well, it was difficult to elaborate, but... let's just say that Bella Swan was a piece of puzzle I couldn't quite finish, a puzzle that I didn't want any part of. For some odd, unidentified reason, her mind was inaccessible to me. That had _never_ happened to me before and I recalled being extremely annoyed when I figured out that there was no way of me figuring out what she was thinking.

Yet, some strange, stubborn, magnetic pull in me had wanted to see her again, and after that night she had remained a conscience in my head, and as for myself, I longed to figure out why I couldn't read her mind. But, choosing escape would be easier. See, I figured if I didn't see her again anytime soon, the pull would disappear and I would eventually lose interest.

Of course, putting myself in this industry came with a price. Everyone knew each other, and I knew I couldn't avoid her forever, seeing how she was everywhere these days. But not this soon. I didn't expect it to be this soon.

"Where is she?" Alice asked.

"She's in her dressing room, she just got a here a few minutes before you did. One of the few times she's actually early." Mike rolled his eyes, though there was an endearing expression on his face as he walked with Alice to the opposite direction, where Bella's dressing room was situated. I headed towards the room I was supposed to be in, quickly setting up my things while I was deep in thought.

After finding myself with nothing to do but wait, I took out my Blackberry, hoping to distract myself from the enigma who was called Bella. I pressed a few buttons leading to my inbox and found that I had 5 new messages, all from Jessica, a girl who seemed to have a massive crush on me. The perfect example of why blind dates should be banished. I clicked 'mark all' and hit delete, groaning. Then Alice's soprano voice came rushing into my head, alongside Bella's husky voice, and I knew that they were about to enter the room.

_3…2….1…_

Alice stepped in the room, Bella following in tow. I couldn't stop mouth from dropping open when I saw what Alice had done to Bella, and it wasn't of lust, but of shock. Her eyes were elaborately done up in glittery purple, blue, and hot pink eye shadow. Thick black eyeliner lined her sparkling blue eyes, which I presumed were contacts. Her pale skin was whiter than ever, with a faint pink blush that painted her cheeks, and ruby red lips. Her hair was up, with a few messy strands framing her heart shaped face, and she was outfitted in a red bikini top and low slung jeans, with matching red heels.

I couldn't deny that she was extremely attractive for a human, and for some reason my eyes refused to stray away from the thin shade of blush on her pale cheeks. I scolded myself silently and shot her a brilliant smile. She, however, frowned, and marched up to me.

"You didn't tell me you were a photographer." She barked, sounding surprisingly scary.

"_That's_ because you never asked." I said smoothly, my eyebrow quirked upwards. Alice stepped in the middle of both of us and smiled innocently up at Bella.

"Your manager booked us this morning, and I forgot to mention that he would be shooting you today. I assure you, he is as baffled as you are." She commented cheerfully. Bella seemed to ease up at my pixie-like sister, since nobody I knew had ever gotten angry at her, and shot an apologetic smile at my direction.

"Well, I suppose we should just start this so I can get home early." I muttered, and Bella nodded in agreement.

We finished faster then I expected, Bella was better at these things then most of the other people I had shot. Unfortunately, I had learnt in the one and half hours we had spent together that she was also a klutz. She had tripped on her heels countless times, much to my entertainment.

"Well, that's a wrap. Bella, you were great." I assured her, and she wrapped a robe around her body, smiling tightly at me. Alice had gotten bored watching us shoot and had said she would be out 'making new friends.' The sudden tension between Bella and I unnerved me, especially when she inched closer to me to grab the bottle of water that was on the table I was leaning on.

"You're not stalking me, are you?" She questioned, a wry smile on her face. I had to admit, the girl had guts. She laid it all out there, didn't take anybody's shit, and you either liked her or not. I respected that. I couldn't stand girls who were all giggly and pretended to like whatever a guy did in hope that the guy would take interest in them. That was repulsive, and embarassing for them.

"No, Bella, I assure you I'm not stalking you. Alice dragged me out to this job." I replied, gingerly placing my camera into its bag, still sensing her eyes hovering over me.

"Good." She said, walking quickly out of the room, leaving me to myself. She perplexed me, in a way. She was just so… straightforward._ Blunt_. There was something about her that I felt wasn't quite right, not in a bad way. I didn't know what exactly, but the sadness in her eyes said it all. I was sure she was hiding something from the world, and she was trying to forget it herself so she could somehow be happy again.

She was broken, putting on a façade, just like I was.


	3. Chapter 3: Dinner Dates, Friends & Fate

**A/N:** Yay for Part Three! Thanks to everybody who has been reviewing, it means a lot to me and that's the only reason why I continue to update as frequently as I do :) Hope you guys enjoy it and _remember to drop a review_!

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After three exhausting months of back to back concerts, press conferences, interviews and photo shoots, I was finally free. Unfortunately, I was a certified workaholic, and free time left me with absolutely nothing to do. In the span of 6 hours, I had cleaned my apartment, color-coded my wardrobe and watched an entire season of Prison Break. Sundays sucked. Sighing, I flopped down onto the couch glumly, out of options.

_"Is it still me that makes you sweat, am I all you think about in bed?"_

I nearly jumped up in fright at the sound before remembering that it was my ringtone. I grabbed my phone from it's place on the coffee table in front of me and quickly flipped it open, silencing the voice of he who was Brendon Urie. The phone too, had been as quiet as my work was, unless you counted the calls that I got from Bryan. In fact, this was probably him again, asking whether he could come over for dinner since he knew how much I loathed the paparazzi.

"Hey baby." I said, leaning back to prepare myself for the long phone call I would probably be facing.

"Bella!" A breathless voice trilled in delight, a voice that belonged to a girl and definitely not to my boyfriend. I frowned, took away the phone from my ear and glanced at the caller ID.

_ALICE CULLEN. _

Oh.

I put the phone back and muttered an embarrassed hi. I hadn't expected to hear from the bouncy stylist that had done me up for my shoot with Pretty, Pretty, the magazine that seemed to be selling out like crazy now. That day seemed like years ago now, and with the bad memory I posessed, I could barely remember it.

"I know this is sudden, but, do you want to go grab dinner tonight? Say at 7.00?" She asked chirpily, and I could almost imagine the grin that she was wearing right now. Her happiness was infectuous even on the phone.

"Uh… wait let me check my-" I started to say schedule, cutting myself off when I remembered that I no longer had anything to actually _do_ or anywhere to actually _be_. It still felt weird, just lazing around at home doing nothing. Sometimes I wished I had a sister I could call or something, to gossip or talk with. Renee, my mother, had just recently remarried a baseball player named Phil, so I rarely got to see her anymore. As for Charlie, my dad, well... he lived all the way in Forks. They both claimed I was responsible enough to take care of myself, so that's what I did.

"Yeah, dinner sounds great." I finished.

"Great! There's this new Japanese place downtown, you probably know which one I'm talking about. Meet you there okay?" The phone clicked off, and I slid it back shut, brightening immediately at the prospect of getting out with a friend. As a normal girl, pre celebrity status, I hadn't been the loudest of the bunch, or the prettiest. Being the only girl with no tan (at all) in my class back at Arizona, without even the excuse of being an albino… well, it didn't do any justice to my popularity. Add in the fact that I was uncoordinated, or, clumsy- well, I shied away people the way flies were attracted to food. I was the girl you would usually see with a book buried in her hand.

You would think being a celebrity was different, right? You would think that I was constantly surrounded by people _all the time_. Well, yeah, that was definitely true. I did get surrounded by people all the time, but none who I could actually consider a proper friend. Mostly it was paparazzi, and at premiere events, post parties and clubs, there was always someone asking me to sit with them, so it wasn't a problem.

Still, when it came down to it, my phone was never the one ringing constantly with texts and calls asking me to hang out, or grab dinner/lunch/breakfast. When it came down to it, Bryan was my only _real_ friend. So, my excitement for this dinner shouldn't be all too strange, should it?

I wasted another hour reading Pretty Little Liars, a book I had stumbled upon in a bookshop which had immediately gotten me hooked. Another hour was wasted in the bath, my eyes closed and the sounds of Death Cab unwinding my overthinking mind. Then I threw on my favorite pair of skinny jeans, a Reinvent Love t-shirt, and my rattiest pair of Converse. At my door, I grabbed my black tote and paused to tie my hair up into a high ponytail.

The restaurant was full by the time I arrived. Like, literally no more empty tables kind of full. I could only hope that Alice had made a reservation, or that one of the waiters could distinguish who I was. I preferred the first option better, since they would probably just call the papz on me. That... would of course be bad.

"Cullen, please." I requested, and the waiter nodded, barely taking his eyes off the book that was scribbled with names. Thank God.

"Table 5." He answered in a clipped British accent. I made my way through the crowded restaurant, then finding that Table 5 was one of the more private tables, the one that was concealed behind a curtain. Well, it was certainly nice of her to think of my privacy.

Imagine my surprise when I saw none other but the devastatingly gorgeous Edward Cullen, his legs crossed beneath the Japanese-like seat and the dark circles under his eyes as evident as ever. His hair was disheveled, almost like he had just gotten out of bed, and he looked... worn out, but he was still gorgeous. I coughed, lost at what to do, suddenly aware that I was free of makeup, leaving me well… _plain_ again. And even in this state, plain was the last word that someone would use to describe Edward.

"Bella? Alice told me I was meeting with… never mind." A fleeting look of distress passed his face, replaced by a crooked smile that made my knees want to melt beneath me. No. That would be improper. I had a boyfriend, and I take my last thought back. No other boy should make my knees melt _except_ my boyfriend.

_Bryan doesn't make your knees melt._ The voice in my head interfered, and if it had a face, I could imagine how smug it would look like right now.

I silenced it, and forced myself to take a step closer. And another. And another. Finally I sat myself down on the pillow opposite him, staring at him expectantly. I knew this was going to be awkward. Situations like these definitely did not do anything to boost up my self confidence.

"So, you're tour's over right?" He questioned, flipping idly through the menu but not looking at it. I could only nod, feeling like an inadequate loser. The words I wanted to say begin bubbling inside me, and I couldn't do a thing about it until it was out.

"I thought I was having dinner with _Alice_ tonight." I blurted out, emphasizing on Alice's name. That girl sure as hell owed me an explanation to this.

"Well, I had thought I was having dinner with a Brazilian supermodel, but we can't all be winners, can we?" I traced a hint of sarcasm in his somewhat condescending voice, but didn't decide to question it. Being a total bitch tonight would be pointless, and maybe I could just fake being sick in the middle of this thing if I thought it was too awkward. So instead of answering him, I skimmed past the menu, pressed the red button for the waitress, and told her my order. The waitress quickly scribbled it down before turning to Edward.

"Nothing for me, thanks." Edward smiled, handing the waitress both our menus. She replied with a smile of her own and turned out of the room.

"What, are you anorexic or something?" I mumbled under my breath. I was positive that it wasn't loud enough for him to hear, but apparently I was wrong.

"I'm just not hungry." He said smoothly.

"Then why did you come to a _restaurant_? Restaurants are for people who _eat_." I couldn't keep the exasperation out of my voice, and he glared at me, catching me completely off-guard. He was rather rude to girls, wasn't he?

"Look. I get it, that you don't want to be here. But I was as clueless about it as you were. I only came to escape Alice's constant complaining about how I don't go out enough." He stated, his eyes slowly coming up to meet mine.

I couldn't explain the sudden sensation that I felt, trying too push my world over the edge, but that's how it was when his eyes met mine. Like, I _knew _that something in my life was going to change. It was odd, because I hadn't felt that way when our eyes had met in the past.

Maybe I was just being completely ridiculous again.

Shaking the sensation away, I diverted my attention to the painting of a water lily that hung behind him. As if on cue, the waitress reappeared holding a large tray, which she set down on the table. I nearly fainted with relief, because I hadn't been able to come up with proper words to reply Edward's statement, and I hated it when people got the last word in, especially in arguments.

I dug into my food, overly grateful for the barrier that was now in between Edward and I. Through bites, I would glance up and every time I did, I saw Edward's eyes still lingering on me intently. That made it rather difficult for me to eat, with his eyes on me like that. Annoyed, I swallowed the second piece of salmon and slammed my chopsticks down.

"Stop staring at me!" I retorted.

"What else do you expect me to do?" He asked, catching my eyes with his again. The words I were about to say suddenly just flew out of my head. This, I was learning, was probably what what people referred to of being 'dazzled' by somebody.

Edward Cullen was dazzling me. How on Earth did _that_ happen?! I didn't want to be dazzled... not by him. Hell, I was getting dazzled by the wrong freaking guy!

"U-uh. I-I don't know. Order your own food or, um, something." I stuttered, again feeling like an idiot.

"Watching you eat is better." He replied steadily, smiling again. I felt a hot heat rise up into my cheeks, a sure sign that my face was now a _delightful_ shade of tomato red.

"Don't say things like that to me." I murmured, though I sounded completely unsure, even to my own years. I had meant the sentence to come out as a warning, but of course my mouth never listened to my mind, did it? No.

This time, he didn't answer, so I looked up at him, bewildered at the expression that had so quickly rearranged the features of his face. The smile he wore was gone, replaced by a forlon look, like he was getting torn apart by what I had said to him. That puzzled me, because why would he be? This… this dinner was just an accident, I was a perfect stranger to him. But then, as I turned my gaze back towards my food, I could swear I heard him whispering something that sounded like "If only you knew."

I guiltily dismissed it as the wind.


	4. Chapter 4: Sorrow

**A/N:** I am so into this story it isn't even funny. I've even written half of the next chapter already, which I assure you will be WAY longer than this one. I'll be posting what I listened to while writing this chapter below. The lyrics don't necessarily have to connect with the chapter... but yeah. Oh, and if anybody can think of a better summary for this story, please tell me.

**DISCLAIMER:** The title I just changed my story to is a song by Broken Social Scene, a band you should really listen to. I don't own the Twilight characters either.

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After that unexpected night, Bella became a permanent fixture in my head. Every step I took, I saw the smirk that would play up her face every time I said something she disliked. I didn't bloody want it; I _hated _the way she was spreading through my thoughts like the plague. I hated _her_ for doing this to me.

This was all Alice's fault, and she understood it since both Bella and I had given her a lecture on how she could never do that again. As usual, she didn't seem to care, just bobbing her head up and down but never meaning it. It didn't help that Bella kept appearing at the most incidental places after our rendezvous. My favorite cinema downtown, the bookshop… it was like everywhere I turned I saw her. We would always exchange little hellos and how are you's, giving each other the same unbelieving look before turning back to whatever we were originally doing.

It was driving me insane.

That night, when I had been in the restaurant with her, my eyes kept darting back to the most insignificant things she would do- these were the things my brain would repeatedly recapitulate in the darkest hours of the night. I didn't miss the way her eyes had softened when our eyes had interlocked that night, didn't miss the way she momentarily lapsed when I shot her my crooked little half smile- that was the worst memory. Knowing that I had actually succeeded in dazzling her. I had… _enjoyed_ it. And hated it. Damn it, that girl was fucking unraveling me without even trying.

"Edward?" I froze in horror, shutting my eyes for and couting till three before I finally turned my entire body to the girl behind me. Speak of the devil, and the devil shall come. A bandage was wrapped around her head, her brown hair up in a messy bun. Her fingers were tugging on her leather jacket, despite the fact that I could still see the red streaks on her white cotton shirt. _She had been in the hospital._ I tried to keep the curiosity out, because I didn't want to know.

"You," The world slowly unfolded out of my mouth, and I returned her equally shocked stare. What in the seven layers of hell was she doing _here_? This bar was far too dingy for a girl like her, and it was the middle of the bloody afternoon. The beer provided a facade, although tasted like shit, at least to me, but I couldn't bear being cooped up in that house with Alice's thoughts screaming at me, along with Rosalie and Emmett's constant bickering. I couldn't _think_ there. This was supposed to be _my_ spot- my safe haven.

I looked up at the small human girl who was standing above me, fury on her face. If she had been another girl, I would have assumed that she was stalking me, an unlikely thought since it was Bella I was talking about. I imagined the look on her face if I dared say that out loud. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

Damn it, why couldn't I seem to read her mind?

"My name is _Bella_. And what are you doing here?" She spat in contempt, echoing the very question I was asking myself. I chuckled darkly under my breath; she raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"I was about to ask you the very same thing."

She stared at me, her eyes flashing dangerously. I mirrored her stare. I had played this game before. She wanted to see who would be the first to submit defeat. For a few minutes, we let our eyes speak, both refusing to break contact with each other. Eventually, she blinked, turning her gaze elsewhere yet still looking pissed off. I smirked to myself in triumph as she folded her arms. Then she turned wary, her body visibly sagging in exhaustion when she signaled for the bartender.

_Why?_ I nearly asked her aloud, the word already halfway through my mouth when I realized that she would just be the complete bitch like she usually was and shoot me another unearned glare.

"A screwdriver please, and keep them coming." I winced at the pain in her voice. She buried her face in her hands, a hoarse sob making its way out from beneath her throat.

"Are you okay?" I couldn't keep the damn concern from seeping through my usual hard voice. She just sobbed again, and I sighed.

Why me? _Why me?_

"Bella, do you want to go home? I'll take you." She looked up sharply and shot me the mother of all glares through her tear ridden eyes. Had to give her credit, her glares almost matched up with Rosalie's.

"_No." _She downed half the contents of her drink in one swift movement before staring into space, her usually warm brown eyes now sparkling with silent distress. I just gazed at her, thankful I wasn't able to feel the pain like Jasper would. I didn't ask her anything, just sat there, clutching my beer tightly with unspoken questions.

"It's because of me." Her voice cracked.

She bit back a sob and downed the rest of her drink, her eyes still unwavering from its position. I wanted to ask her what she was talking about, deciding the better of it. She didn't even seem to be looking at me, so there really wasn't any point.

"Edward." Her chair swiveled to look at me. "What do you do when your mother is unconscious in a hospital because of you?" She was fully crying now, her body quivering uncontrollably, the tears smudging her makeup as it made its way down her pale cheeks.

Shit. I was crap at comforting people, especially in this state. I just stared at her feeling desperate while her sobs gradually progressed to heartbreaking wails. The bartender glanced at me, sending me a look that I should say something- _anything_ to her. The words still failed me, so I just wrapped an arm around her warm shoulders, let her head rest in the crook of my neck and wrapped my other arm beneath her legs, sweeping her entire body up into mine.

She didn't protest, sobbing into my shirt while I laid her in the car and set her down in the passenger seat. Her eyes were starting to swell, already red and puffy.

"Bella, where do you live?" I asked her urgently, my heart dropping when she didn't answer. It was useless. She was stuck in her own world. I drove her back to our house , assuming the same position to get her out of the car and onto my couch.

She snapped out of it then, her sobs gradually quieting down into utter silence. Her tired eyes swept across the grandeur of my excessively decorated house, widening occasionally until they landed on me.

"You took care of me." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. I simply nodded, running my hands through my hair- a bad habit I had subconsciously picked up from Jasper.

"What… happened?" Her eyes clouded over with pain at my question. She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath like she was trying to recompose herself before fixing her gaze back to me. This was hard for her, but who could blame her? I myself could not drive out the memory of my mother lying helplessly on the white hospital bed, and that had happened more than a century ago.

"She was here, on a visit. We were in the car and… I was driving. I was so excited to tell her about how everything's been going… then there was a loud crash before everything went black. " She rasped in a sad voice. I swore that if I ever found the driver of that other car he would die in the slowest, most excrutiatingly painful way possible. I would see to that.

I was interrupted by a sudden warmth pressing against my palm, and I looked down to find her hand curled in mine. Out of nowhere, the unwanted electricity I felt when I was with her in the restaurant shot through my body. I didn't know what it signified or why the hell it was _there_, it just… was. She, on the other hand, wasn't, her eyes gazing at something only she could see.

Still, I couldn't deny the fact that her hand was there.

Clutched in_ mine._

At that precise moment, I felt like I was actually sincerely loved by someone, the warmth sending foreign feelings through my body that I shouldn't be thinking of. She was dangerous, she was forbidden, and therefore I did the only thing I was capable of doing- I unfurled my hand from the wreck beside me and dropped it on my lap.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm going home now." She whimpered, sending little aches through the place where my heart was supposed to be when she stood up. She let her gaze linger on mine for a minute too long, her scent hitting me harder than the best perfume in the world. I gritted my teeth together using all the resistance I had to keep myself from jumping on her as I watched her retreating from me, her hair swaying gently with each step she took.

When she left, I sighed and my head found the soft fabric behind me. No doubt I would regret that gesture later, however kind I intended it to be. She had revealed something _personal _to me, someone she barely knew nor did she like. I couldn't say how I felt about that, because she left me so fucking _confused_ with everything I assumed I once knew. She was a wreck, a delicate imbalance of a hundred different emotions thrown together in a single, quixotic, outspoken human girl, yet she made me feel a frustration that nobody had ever made me feel before.

A frustration growing so rapidly that I wanted to scream, or drown myself in music that was entirely too loud. I could only wish that there was a drug that would make me forget about _thinking_ so hard for awhile. I wondered briefly how she was doing now, was she okay? Of course, then my hands betrayed me for the phonebook.

She finally opened her door after I rang her doorbell twice. In contrary, she looked worse than she did earlier. Her hair was a complete mess, red already soaking through her bandage. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lips were practically as white as skin. She stiffened when she saw me, greeting me with a scowl.

Even in this state she managed to show me how much she disliked me. How endearing.

"Not going to let me in?"

She replied me by carelessly flinging out an arm in the direction of her apartment, already walking in. I followed in suit, smiling slightly at the neatness of it. I wouldn't have been surprised if even the germs were afraid to enter this place.

"You're a mess." I told her once I settled on the couch.

She threw me a pointed look. "Is it that obvious?"

"Look... it isn't your fault, Bella. The driver was probably out of it or something." I said fiercely, imagining the way I would throttle the person's neck when I found him.

"If anything happens to her…" Her voice faltered nervously. I shook my head, angry that she would even think that way. I was no optimist, but sometimes that shit actually worked in these situations.

"She'll be fine." I retorted harshly.

"You're right. You're right." She whispered inaudibly, her eyes searching my face in a way that made me think that she _knew_… No. She couldn't. To her, I was just another boy, plus she was buried too deep in her own problems to notice anything. I was just being the paranoid ass that I was, making a big deal of every damn thing.

* * *

**I listened to:**  
The Bleeding Heart Show- The New Pornographers  
Closer- Kings Of Leon

Review, and I'll post the next chapter even faster.


	5. Chapter 5: You

**A/N:** SERIOUSLY?!?! ONLY ONE REVIEW ON THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER? Thanks a lot, you guys. Whatever. Since I've written this, I figure I might as well post it up. This is Bella's POV of the last chapter, even though I hate writing overlaps this one was necessary, cause it shows a little more about Renee and stuff.

* * *

"The tour this year was totally awesome. The fans were just so energized and loud and… oh mom the feeling of being on stage? It's the best sensation ever!" I chattered on to my mom who was visiting New York for a week. I hadn't seen her in way too long, and… I missed her.

"That's great, Bells." She said distractedly, furiously texting on her phone. My heart fell a little; she had been this way the entire two days. Too preoccupied texting or talking on the phone to form a proper conversation with me. I understood that she missed Phil, but… I was her daughter.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I murmured quietly, and she rolled her eyes with a condescending look on her face. I never expected that to be the last sentence I said to her before a truck collided with my car, and for a fleeting moment I felt myself suspended in the air before we finally crashed to the ground with a sickening sound.

"MOM!" I screamed my voice shrill with worry. I could feel blood pouring out of my pounding head before the world started spinning and I was sucked into the darkness.

I woke up to the sound of beeping machines, my head still throbbing. I flexed my arms, thankful it felt fine before I hoisted my back upwards into a sitting position. The accident came back to me, leaving me anxious to see my mom.

"Ah, Bella. You're awake. Thankfully, you're fine. You just have a few scratches over your arms and a deep gash on your forehead. We've covered it up with a bandage though. "The nurse who was idly flipping through my papers said. I nodded impatiently, really not caring about my condition. I just wanted to know about my mother.

"How's Renee?" I croaked out. The nurse returned the clipboard back to my bed and looked up at me with worried eyes. I bit my lip, having watched enough mindless teenage television to know that it wasn't a good sign.

"She's… in a coma. We don't know when she'll wake up." Her voice was quiet, but there was nothing worse than the silence that filled the room. The words slowly registered in my head, one after another, feeling like a ticking time bomb that was about to blow.

Don't know.

When.

She'll wake up.

Coma.

Renee.

"Am… am I allowed… to leave the hospital?" I couldn't stay in here knowing the last words I had said to Renee was asking her if she hated me. The disgustingly white walls of the hospital room was swallowing me whole, squeezing themselves closer to my body. I needed out.

"I guess its okay. The doctor said you were fine after all. He said you're allowed out if you don't want to stay, although it'd be better if you did for another night."

I was already halfway out of the door, leaving her words a distant blur. I didn't know where I was going to go; I only knew I needed alcohol. Lots of alcohol where there wouldn't be any paparazzi or annoying brunette bitches to talk smack about me to everyone else. It was the middle of the afternoon, but you would have been surprised at the amount of people who started drinking at this hour, how easy it was to be spotted. That was the last thing I needed.

So I found myself wandering around the darker side of town, contemplating which dirty pub to enter before finally settling on one of the slightly cleaner ones. The first person I spotted was none other than Edward Cullen. Dammit. I should have expected it, having seen him everywhere else I was, but for some reason, this only fueled the resentment I was holding in.

I shut my eyes and counted to three before cautiously approaching him.

"Edward?" He turned to face me and I tensed at the stony expression on his face. He took in the bandage around my head, his eyes moving drifting downwards until they settled on my blood-stained shirt and back up to meet my eyes. He probably thought I was some kind of freak, I could only imagine how I looked like right now.

"You," The harshness that was embedded in that single word was enough to start my blood boiling. Not at him… just anger in general. With what a screw up I was. With the carelessness I could have easily avoided when I had been driving. He just continued staring at me with this annoying half smirk on his face.

"My name is _Bella_. What are you doing here?" I finally asked in an equally venomous voice. He chuckled softly under his breath, which made me raise my eyebrow in question.

"I was about to ask you the very same thing." Of course he was. Just like in all those other places, where we would wonder what the other was doing here. I believed in fate, and the possibility of us somehow being fated to meet nearly made me want to turn the other direction and run straight out of the door so I wouldn't need to be see Edward anymore. But if that were what I had done, I knew I would have just bumped into him somewhere else, somewhere more public, and that wouldn't help things. He was as stubborn as I was, refusing to break his gaze first, and I knew I would just lose anyway.

So I just allowed myself to feel the way I had before my entire being had tensed up at the sight of his body on the tall bar stool. The steady stream of defeat seeped into my blood, and I felt myself sagging in exhaustion as I slumped into the stool besides his, one hand raised to signal the bartender. He was still staring at me with a questioning look in his eyes. I knew the question he was trying so hard not to ask me, blatantly ignoring it because why should I tell anything to him? He barely even knew me. I muttered my order to the bartender before burying my face in my hands, the car accident clearly flashing in my head.

I couldn't hear anything else besides my repetitive sobbing. There came a point where there was a faint voice asking if I was okay, but I knew that if I answered I would just break down all over again. He asked me again, this time if I wanted to go home, even offering a ride. That made me look up, and I shot him a glare through my stained vision.

"No." I snapped, gripping my glass and pouring the drink into my mouth. I didn't know why I was staring fixatedly at the collection of shot glasses on the table, but it provided the suitable distraction that I yearned. All I wanted to do was reverse time so I could have at least told Renee that I was sorry for my cruel words, sorry that I wasn't good enough for her.

I didn't even realize I had started talking until I heard my unfamiliar, choked up voice. I gulped down the rest of my drink, feeling the heat of the vodka slowly trickle down my tired throat. It was like I was stuck outside; unable to do anything but watch helplessly while the rest of my body opted on babbling about the accident to him, with no stop button.

"… What do you do when your mother is unconscious in a hospital because of you?" I felt the sobs growing as my body began shaking. I was once again blinded by my tears, the images of my mother flashing past my eyes without my permission. The sobs flew past my throat, each louder than the last. I felt myself being swept up by a pair of strong arms, and then my head was buried on Edward's chest, on his soft shirt that smelled far too good for a boy. I was still crying, but there, in his arms, I felt all the fears I had beginning to melt away, which was stupid really... because Edward was just a boy, and I a girl.

By the time I could think clearly again, I lay on a creamy white leather couch that was way too soft for my liking. The room was covered in furniture I didn't recognize, both antique and modern. The house was _huge_. My eyes eventually landed on Edward, I supposed I owed him a thanks or something.

"You took care of me." I finally muttered, when I couldn't bring myself to say a proper thank you. He nodded before a hesitant expression flitted across his face. He finally asked me _the_ question; I knew he wouldn't have avoided it forever. I couldn't ignore the surge of pain that ran through my heart, taking a deep breath nevertheless. I didn't know why I could just tell him all these things, the things I would never tell anyone in a million years, even if they begged. And crying… I just wasn't a crier. Whatever. Next time I saw him I'd just be my usual self again.

So I told him, my hand subconsciously roaming down to reach for his before I knew what it was doing until there was a coolness that hadn't been there before. Shit. It was too late to pull it back up now, even if the action had only been accidental. I… sort of liked that his hand wasn't sweaty and hot and disgusting like Bryan's. In fact, it was the exact opposite. And I was losing my stupid train of thought again in Edward's presence.

Then he yanked his hand out of mine like it had been set on fire, setting it back onto his lap. I jumped up, repeatedly telling him that I was sorry, and just made myself walk away, even though all I really wanted to do was stay.

Hailing a cab back to my apartment was easy; dealing with being alone was harder. I called Bryan several times in vain hope that he would come over and accompany me, growling angrily when I only got his voicemail. I really didn't feel like breaking into hysterics again, so I did the only thing I could do when I got this way.

I opened a bottle of bleach, put on my ugly yellow rubber gloves, and vigorously started scrubbing every inch of my bathroom. I wasn't a total neat freak or anything… I just didn't like seeing things messy or dirty or out of place. It couldn't stop me from thinking, but it prevented the stupid water works. I groaned to myself, refusing to believe that after o_ne _accidental encounter in a bar I usually _would never_ be caught dead in, I spilled the entire contents of my heart to Edward freaking Cullen.

With a sinking feeling I became aware that Edward was the only other person besides Charlie and me who knew that Renee was in the hospital. I hadn't even told Bryan, my best friend in the entire world, my _boyfriend_. I had tried leaving the news on his voicemail but, something was just… pulling me back. See, usually I let my defenses up, a wall that I never allowed anybody to see through, Bryan included. That way, I could assure myself that I was safe.

Today, with Edward, I couldn't explain it. I just had this weird breakdown or whatever. I _wanted _to tell him what happened, see if he would care enough or not. That scared me, because I was not the kind of girl who trusted anybody that easily. Especially not a selfish prick who spent practically all his time brooding or smirking or just generally being… annoying.

The doorbell rang, and I cussed silently, pulling off my gloves and practically sprinting to the door, hoping to God that it was Bryan.

Why, why did it have to be _Edward _instead? Was he so bent out of shape because he had caught a girl crying or something? Didn't he have anything better to do?!

"Not going to let me in?" I flung my arm open towards my apartment, seething on the inside. I'll bet he thought that he had some advantage over me just because he had taken care of me.

He then proceeded to point out that I looked like shit, a fact that I was well aware of, thank you very much.

Then we talked about… useless things that you probably don't want to hear about. I was surprisingly at ease then, just munching on cookies as the useless banter ensued. We were still arguing about good music when he announced he had to go, leaving without even a goodbye.

Figured he would still be a total ass.

I felt the smile I previously wore fade off the instant the door shut behind him as I flopped on my couch in defeat, switching on the television in hope that something decent might actually be on. One of the channels was showing Breakfast at Tiffany's, a show I had watched countless times. I just settled with that, not really watching or hearing.

* * *

**I listened to:**  
We Are Broken- Paramore  
My Skin- Natalie Merchant

REMEMBER TO REVIEW. PLEASE. IBEGYOU. thanks.


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